I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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