This girl is more easily done than said...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
