my sisters under your porch take her home
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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