Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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