Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
