I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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