Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My dick has a subreddit
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
