He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
