I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
