How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
