I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
