Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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