PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
