apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
