Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is the high leading the old right now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
