pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
