Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
