Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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