Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Michael Bay diarrhea
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
