At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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