dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
