i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
