I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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