I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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