Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
