apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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