My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
