I hate all girls vehemently.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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