found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
