I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
