I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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