brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
