how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize