I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
