And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
