Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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