Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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