White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
