Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
