I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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