if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize