you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
