Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
