so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize