some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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