I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
