I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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