You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize