I will die if light touches me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
