I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My pussy is not your playground.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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