He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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