she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
