The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
