The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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