I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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