nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
