I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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