He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Vodka?
Forever.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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