So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
