How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
