He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
