I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
