I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
