i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
