I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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