WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
