Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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