your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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