THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I believe in your delicious
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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