Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
