so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
