she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
