420 ftw
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
