I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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