i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
