I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
