he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
