Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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