Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
