I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
