She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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