He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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