cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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